Small Talk
by dianaface
Summary: Sakura is stuck with the most antisocial shinobi in the business. But here comes Sai, to make some conversation! Saku-pairings.


**disclaimer **if i owned naruto... mwahahaha.

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Sakura sighed.

_How did I get stuck at the scary table? _she asked herself.

The festival had started only two hours ago, yet it felt like an eternity.

Why, oh why were the shinobi _assigned_ tables for dinner?

No one was even eating! Not at her table anyway.

She looked wistfully at the loud, laughing table a few feet from her own. Naruto caught her eye and waved. She managed to send him a halfhearted smile before slumping back forward to face her own table's occupants.

Ino, Chouji, Lee, Tenten, Temari, Kankouro, Kiba, Hinata, and even _Shino_ were all enjoying themselves at their respective tables. Yet here sat Sakura. With Sasuke, Gaara, Neji, and Shikamaru. Okay, Shikamaru wasn't scary, but he was asleep, so he may as well not be there. The other three males occupied themselves by staring stiffly ahead at nothing. She swore she could see a thought bubble above their heads, reading, "This is a waste of time. I could be training. Angst angst, glare, hate."

Every now and then, Sakura would send a desperate look at Neji, the least hostile, and his expression would soften for a moment. He understood how dull and awkward this must be for her. She would smile at him, but this gesture would attract the glares of Gaara and Sasuke, forcing Neji to join back into their little "I'm-scarier-than-you" contest. The lack of emotion on their faces was astounding. Every now and then she would try to play too, forcing her face into unmoving neutrality, but this only lasted until she needed to blink or her nose itched. Where was Sai when you needed him?

"Ugly, you seem bored."

Think of the devil. She pasted a grin on her face. She would take any conversation she could get.

"Sai! Are you enjoying the festival?"

"It provides me with good practice," he shrugged.

Sakura nodded. His social skills were improving, though sometimes he just didn't grasp stuff.

She leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Well, you've got the ultimate challenge here. If you can get these guys to converse, I'll teach you anything you want."

He raised his eyebrows. "_Anything_?" He usually couldn't convince anyone to help him with his more extreme questions and trials. They often flustered people into a state of embarrassment.

Sakura nodded solemnly.

Sai sat down in the empty chair at the end of the rectangular table. He looked around. This wouldn't be easy. On his left, Sakura was prodding the dozing Shikamaru next to her. The Kazekage sat across from Sai at the other end of the table, looking at him expectantly. Sasuke sat next to Gaara, eyes slightly narrowed at Sai, and in between Sai and Sasuke, Neji watched Sakura try to awaken Shikamaru.

Sai smiled. "How is Suna, Kazekage-sama?" Sai loved practicing "small talk".

Gaara nodded. "Fine."

Sai smiled again. "That's good. I'm curious, you don't recall at all what it felt like when you died, do you? That time the Akatsuki extracted your bijuu?"

Sakura gaped at Sai. Gaara's eyes narrowed. "No. "

"Ah, so what do you remember from that experience, then?"

Gaara shrugged. "I remember waking up to Haruno's face."

"Because I was healing him!" Sakura quickly explained.

Gaara nodded, unaware of his innuendo. "Yes, you have been a great help to my village."

The kunoichi flushed. "Oh, it was no big deal. Neji and Shikamaru helped!" she insisted, smacking Shikamaru awake. Said boy rubbed the back of his head.

Gaara shook his head. "Not nearly as much as you did."

Shikamaru scowled and put his head back down. Neji glared.

"Kazekage-sama is right. Shikamaru-kun didn't do anything. And Neji-kun, you didn't end up fighting any of the Akatsuki, did you? Just a clone of yourself." Sai commented with a smile, unaware of the Hyuuga's silent fuming.

Sakura was not unaware.

"Nonsense, Neji is an incredible shinobi. I don't know where Konoha would be without him," she piped up quickly.

Neji gave her an appreciative look. "Thank you, Sakura."

Sasuke snorted.

Everyone turned towards him expectantly, but he didn't appear to have moved.

Silence ensued once again. Sakura sent Sai a meaningful look. He looked around for something to say. Viridian caught his eye.

"You know, Ugly, you and Gaara-kun have the same color eyes."

Sakura and Gaara looked at each other for a moment. Flushing under the redhead's intense gaze, she turned back to Sai quickly.

"Well whatdya know, we do. I don't think I know anyone else with green eyes but myself and Gaara-sama." She giggled awkwardly.

Sai nodded. "You two should date."

"_What?!_" Sakura spluttered.

Gaara glared at Sai, awaiting an explanation.

Sai shrugged. "It makes sense. Gaara-kun, your red hair is the masculine equivalent of her pink hair. You both have green eyes, and you both possess incredible strength as shinobi."

Sakura shook her head furiously, horrified at the prospect of being with such a scary guy. "You can't base relationships off of cosmetic likenesses and physical strength. Right, Gaara-sama?" She looked desperately towards the sand shinobi. To her disbelief, he seemed to actually be considering the idea.

"There has to be mutual attraction, as well as a relationship beforehand," she continued. "There has to be _communication_."

Gaara nodded. She sighed in relief.

"Well, we are communicating, aren't we?" he asked her.

"Er, well, I suppose—"

"And we are friends, are we not?"

"Um, sure, but—"

"And your companion has pointed out the various things we have in common. We are both strong."

"Well, Neji and Sasuke are strong, too, but you don't see me dating them!"

Neji joined the conversation at this point. "Are you saying that you would not date me, then?"

Sakura stuttered. "N-no, I'm not saying that at all—"

"Well," Sai interrupted, "I suppose if you were to go along with Ugly's other traits, she could probably do well with Shikamaru-kun…"

Shikamaru groaned in his sleep and Sakura laughed.

"What do I have in common with Shika-kun?"

"Well, you are both highly intelligent, skilled in strategy, and Shikamaru does have to deal with Ino on a regular basis. You two are very alike."

Sakura felt cornered. Hey, they were finally talking weren't they? She never told Sai he couldn't make the conversation unbearably awkward.

"Of course, Neji is also very smart, and you both have chakra control superior to most other shinobi."

All eyes were on Sakura. She cleared her throat.

"Yes well, I'm sure all of you guys would make _wonderful_ boyfriends," she assured them, smiling nervously. She was careful to avoid insinuating that any of them would actually _become _her boyfriend anytime soon.

Sai shook his head. "No, I rather doubt Sasuke-kun would make a loving companion."

Sasuke sat up with a scowl on his face. His dislike towards Sai was unmasked now.

"And why would that be?" he questioned antagonistically.

Now, Sai had only said this in order to get Sasuke talking so that he could keep his end of the deal. But now that he had to think of something to back up his response, he found the list to be endless. The others apparently thought so too.

"You trust no one, and therefore cannot be trusted," Sai stated.

"You've betrayed everyone close to you, so one must assume you would be unfaithful." Neji added.

"You let your wrath and hate consume you easily, so you would probably be abusive." Gaara said.

No one spoke for a moment, wondering how Gaara, of all people, could accuse someone of being abusive.

Shikamaru broke the silence.

"You are extremely moody and temperamental, so you'd be far too difficult for any girl to deal with, especially since women are usually incredibly moody and temperamental themselves," he mumbled sleepily.

The bashing of Sasuke continued.

"You angst constantly. It's a wonder any person can put up with you at all."

"You're incredibly self-centered. To the point of outright narcissism."

"You're prettier than most girls. In a relationship, they would grow to despise you for this."

"No one wants to date a masochist."

"Every girl needs _some_ romance. You are incapable of even mutual acquaintanceship with a female."

"You isolate yourself from society."

"You display no emotion other than hate and irritation."

"Hey, that applies to all of you!" Sakura spoke up.

Her comment went ignored.

"You definitely have obsessive compulsive disorder. Paired with the trauma your brother caused you, you're a psychological disaster."

"You're too high maintenance."

"You're totally sadistic."

"Your hair is stupid."

"WHOA, not true!" Sakura exclaimed. She had to draw the line at that.

Sasuke inwardly smiled. Finally, fangirl to the rescue! He was surprised she had taken this long to come to his defense.

"Now, you guys may be right about everything else," —Sasuke scowled— "but Sasuke-kun has great hair. Almost as good as yours, Neji."

Neji smirked. "Not even close."

The Uchiha growled.

"Uchiha really would make a terrible boyfriend." Gaara concluded.

Sakura sent a reassuring smile towards her teammate while reaching for her drink. "Not that it matters."

This did not make Sasuke feel better.

"Correct," Sai declared. "It is rather irrelevant how good a mate Sasuke-kun would make to a female when it is obvious he is attracted to males."

Sakura choked on her sake. Gaara raised an eyebrow. Neji's smirk widened into a smile. Shikamaru laughed outright.

Sasuke moved so quickly, not even Neji caught it.

He was suddenly standing behind Sai, katana held to his throat. Sai's smile did not falter.

"It's true," he explained. "How else do you justify him choosing Orochimaru-san over Sakura-san, training solely with Kakashi-san, connecting only with Naruto-kun?"

"Easy," Sasuke replied through clenched teeth. "Females are weak."

Sakura's eyes burned with rage at this comment. Even after seeing what she's capable of, Sasuke still refused to acknowledge her as an equal. Well, she was through defending him, then.

"No, no, Sasuke-kun, Sai's got a point. It all makes sense now. Doesn't it, Neji, Gaara?"

The two boys nodded in agreement. Sasuke glared at her so furiously she was surprised she hadn't burst into flames yet. She smiled.

"Now that that's settled, let's go enjoy the festival, shall we?"

Gaara and Neji followed the short girl, neither protesting when she linked arms with the two of them. Shikamaru left to join Ino and Chouji's table, and Sai had somehow disappeared while Sasuke wasn't looking. Damn. He had been abandoned and assumed gay. What to do…

"OW! Teme! What was _that_ for!?"

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just a product of a rainy day.

r&r, please and thank you!


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